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But we need to take a step back and stop reviewing that fantasy every time we meet a new guy.I know this is counterintuitive, but sometimes the harder you look for your future spouse, the more you creep out every guy at your Bible study. And two, two people who actually like and respect each other.There are tons of Christian men out there that I would have been miserable marrying. At the same time, when you’re constantly trying to put every man you meet through your “husband filter,” it destroys your chances of figuring out if you actually like that person.I dated a bunch of Christian men I was miserable dating. Here are some other factors to consider: Do you balance each other out? I had enough of a Christian-college filter (despite thinking I had escaped without one) that when my husband and I first started dating, I was initially concerned that he hadn’t brought up his commitment to Jesus or tried to lead us in prayer before we held hands.Yet there is this odd rumor going around that the only important characteristic to look for in a future husband is that he’s a believer. If that’s your only requirement, you could just pick one Russian Roulette-style from the enormous pool of Christian men.You don’t want to do that, because being a Christian isn’t all that matters. Marrying someone who doesn’t understand you, wants totally different things out of life than you, or doesn’t share any interests with you is a recipe for at best, a very discordant marriage and at worst, a divorce.The purpose of a godly relationship and potential marriage is not about you, it’s about how you and that person can serve in the kingdom. He will take you to the cross and show you what love is about.

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I asked her if I could post the list as a blog and to my delight she said yes.Find out if you guys get along, if you like the way he laughs, if he lets you have all the ginger when you’re sharing sushi, if he seems like a hard worker, if he keeps his word. Don’t be afraid to be proven wrong about some of the things on your list — my original list included “must not be Caucasian” and I married a freckly red head so. I (Bethany) was chatting with my small group leader one night after Bible study.So stop looking for your future husband and look for a date instead. What makes up a good marriage, the type of joy-filled marriage that people see and think, “When I grow up I want a relationship that looks like that” are a couple of things. These two things are almost equally important — with commitment to Jesus edging out the other by a nose.I know I’m really blowing the lid off the whole “Only go on a date with a man you intend to marry” thing that’s popular in Christian circles, but stay with me. But there are plenty of non-Christians who also have great marriages, so clearly the mutual respect and enjoyment of your spouse is a pretty big deal.This means, you will have to submit your will and desires to God first, and secondly to the person you are entrusting the process to. Of course your flesh and worldly views will constantly pressure you to be anxious.